Research shows it's normal for relationship satisfaction to vary lots

You may find it reassuring to learn that often, people's satisfaction levels vary quite a lot within a relationship, even within a short space of time, a new study says.

Satisfaction with your partner or relationship can fluctuate significantly within a few days or even within a single day, according to a psychological study carried out in Germany.

This finding could help to better support couples, by showing them in therapy that fluctuating satisfaction is perfectly normal to a certain extent and does not necessarily jeopardise a relationship.

Be clear about your own needs

At the same time, experiencing fluctuations in satisfaction can show couples in romantic relationships that their needs are not being fully met - so could be a signal that improvement is needed.

"To this end, partners should be clear about their needs and express them appropriately," says psychologist Louisa Scheling, lead author of the University of Mainz study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

The extent to which the partner is perceived as approachable or responsive has a significant influence on satisfaction. A certain "emotional instability in men" also has a significant effect, the study says.

That may be because women are more accustomed to emotional fluctuations due to their hormonal cycles. In men, on the other hand, emotional instability tends to be attributed to relationship dynamics, the authors say.

"Reliable perception and fulfilment of needs by the partner contributes significantly to stable relationship satisfaction in everyday life," says Scheling. Ultimately, it is similar to a parent-child relationship, she adds. "If needs are consistently met, then satisfaction remains stable at a high level."

Variation greater between days than within one day

The study found relationship satisfaction varied significantly between days and within each day. The variance between days was greater than within a single day.

It also showed that the ups and downs in satisfaction among partners were relatively synchronised and that varying satisfaction was not related to demographic factors, meaning that it is a common experience for most couples, even those who have been in a relationship for a long time.

Up until now, research has so far focused on how satisfaction with a relationship develops over months and years, the study says.

However, since romantic relationships develop in everyday life, it is crucial to also examine satisfaction and fluctuations within short periods of time – given that in Western countries, one in three marriages end in divorce, meaning that many relationships break down.

Scheling and her team of scientists, who collaborated with other research institutions, evaluated data from two previous studies involving couples consisting of one man and one woman.

Data from a study conducted by the University of Basel between 2016 and 2018 included information from nearly 600 couples who recorded their satisfaction levels in several waves.

Participants were couples from Switzerland, Austria and Germany over the age of 18 who had been together for at least one month.

The other online study, conducted by the Universities of Mainz and Heidelberg between 2021 and 2023, included data from 150 couples who were asked about their satisfaction several times a day.

In this study, the participants were couples who had only moved in together in the past four weeks.