Teasing or toxic? Couples are turning rage-bait into relationship content

Phoebe and Dan have a shared TikTok with nearly 300,000 followers, a status they reached thanks in part to their rage-bait videos, in which the couple enrage each other, rather than the viewers. Or, more commonly, Phoebe is taunting Dan, giggling from behind the phone camera as she needles him about his outfit, his sports team or anything at all. Meanwhile, Dan gets riled up until, almost inevitably, his brows furrow and he marches up the stairs of their home, out of view. The couple’s followers have come to recognize — and even delight in — this pattern from Dan.

But if you’re worried about Dan, don’t be, the 28-year-old tells Yahoo. The couple’s rage-bait is a way to drive up engagement from their followers and others and TikTok. Dan plays up the drama for the camera, but “that’s kind of how our relationship is,” he says. “We’re playful with each other.” And that’s the spirit behind the bits, adds Phoebe, who is 27. “It’s more playful than bullying or harmful,” she tells Yahoo. “Like those other forms of rage-baiting, it’s to get views and entice people with anger, but I’m just trying to trigger him a little bit for the viewers to get a giggle out of it.”

Rage-bait started as a very online way to rack up clicks and attention (even if it’s the angry kind) to turn a profit. And now it’s even found its way into Gen Z’s intimate relationships. Friends and couples alike are turning the social media tactic on each other, and they say it’s a form of bonding.

But how healthy is it? Some internet experts have been frustrated or even concerned that rage-baiting is harmful to those being baited, whether in real life or on social media. Rage-baiters and some Gen Z-ers aren’t convinced, however. We spoke to them all to find out what rage has to do with love and life online.

What is rage-baiting?

Rage-bait is any content designed to drive up engagement by making people angry, experts say. It can take seemingly endless forms and include people making obviously terrible or disgusting food or making absurd and controversial statements. “The goal of rage-bait is to encourage reaction,” Jamie Cohen, a Queens College assistant professor and social media scholar, tells Yahoo.

It’s really just the latest form of clickbait, says Cohen. Memes, articles, images or videos go viral because they pique someone’s curiosity and play on their emotions — good or bad. “All of these use the tactic of emotional capture to work, and the easiest of all those emotions [to capture] happens to be anger,” says Cohen.

Online it’s a money-making trick

For influencers on platforms such as TikTok, engagement equates to income. So, naturally, some have turned the high engagement their rage-bait posts get into big profits.

Creator programs like TikTok’s reward people whose content gets a lot of views and engagement by sharing ad revenue. Influencers can also make income from affiliate marketing and brand sponsorships. And often it doesn’t matter what they’re doing or saying, as long as it gets eyeballs. That’s how internet-famous rage-baiter Winta Zesu, who posts videos of herself behaving badly for the bit, reportedly made $150,000 in a year.

Rage-bait may be particularly effective at making creators money because it works fast and because people love to pile on. Cohen says the phenomenon is not unlike sports, which are consistently among the most-watched programming on television. “Sports, team-based [content] or fandoms are … a profit model of reaction,” he says. Rage-bait gives people an opportunity to form a team, of sorts, in the comments, where they echo one another’s outrage. So content creators will take “whatever is the top-trending anger at the time” and make videos or posts about it, says Cohen. “It’s whatever is financially expedient to the most rage-baiters,” he says.

Couples are rage-baiting in their relationships — but experts say it can be harmful

There are countless videos like Phoebe’s and Dan’s on TikTok. And as annoyed as the rage-baited partners seem, Phoebe and Dan say that it’s more like flirty teasing than it is like trying to stoke actual conflict. “I think it’s always something I wanted in a relationship, being able to be jokey with the other person,” says Phoebe, who noticed Dan’s jocular spirit on their first date more than a year and a half ago. Dan agrees: “The person you choose to be with should also be like your best friend,” he says. “With your best friend, you’re able to joke with them and do banter … and I want that in a partner too.”

Across the board, the experts we spoke to were anti-rage-bait. Therapist Brianna Paruolo acknowledges that narcissism is an often overused and misapplied term, but she says that rage-baiting mirrors its tendencies. “The person being provocative and putting out that rage-bait somehow turns out to be the victim, because they got the reaction from others,” she tells Yahoo. “It’s emotional hijacking, and it’s more harmful than harmless.” Plus, it can be a slippery slope, adds Paruolo. “Sometimes banter can feel like, ‘Hey, we have an inside [joke] going,” she says. “But it can be a power struggle or a form of gaining power, which is not so healthy in a relationship.”

Rage-bait encapsulates a lot of different specific content forms, ranging from silly to salacious or downright hateful. So it’s hard to neatly sum up how harmful these kinds of posts and behaviors are, or how seriously to take them. When it comes to couples rage-baiting each other, for example, “we have to take it with a grain of salt,” Corey Seemiller, a professor at Wright State University who’s been studying Gen Z, tells Yahoo. “This may or may not be real,” she adds, “and it’s almost like a form of bonding.”

Seemiller points out that Gen Z is savvy. In many cases, they know engagement-bait when they see it and aren’t afraid to use it to their advantage. They may be particularly prone to making and engaging with rage-bait because of their high rates of loneliness and entrepreneurial spirit, Seemiller says. “For people who feel kind of lonely or isolated and want that self-confidence boost, being able to have someone follow the storyline is enticing,” she says. “And this is a good storyline.”

Gen Zers say it’s all friendly fun, until it’s not

Jennie Rosier, an associate professor of communication studies at James Madison University, asked about 50 of her Gen Z undergraduate students about rage-baiting on Yahoo’s behalf. The students confirmed that rage-baiting is extremely common, both online and in their real-life relationships. They also think that more rage-baiting happens in romantic relationships that began as close friendships, according to Rosier’s informal survey. For the most part, it’s like teasing on steroids, they said. The angrier someone gets, the funnier it becomes, but the students drew the line at causing pain, saying rage-baiting isn’t intended to actually hurt someone’s feelings.

Still, Seemiller and Paruolo both note that, in a polarized world, divisive content and behavior are probably not the healthiest kinds to engage in. “Any time you’re putting something online to elicit anger or some type of negative emotion, that probably isn’t a productive thing, even if it’s done for entertainment value or engagement,” says Seemiller. “It can elicit real emotions in real people.”

How to deal with rage-bait

Rage-baiting seems to be normalized among many Gen Z-ers, and while some enjoy the content, others don't find it amusing at all. And, of course, they’re not the only ones consuming the content online.

If you see a post that seems over the top and is garnering lots of irritated comments, be warned: It might be rage-bait. And in most cases it should probably be taken with a grain of salt, experts say. If it does make you angry, “maybe don’t reply at all,” advises Seemiller. Commenting probably won’t help anyway, adds Paruolo. “Being rageful or leaving a hateful comment may be a way of trying to regulate the nervous system” after your anger circuit gets tripped, “but it really just amplifies the feeling,” she says. You’re also giving them exactly what they want: attention.

And if you’re already sick of rage-bait, don’t worry. The fact that it’s just the latest version of clickbait or engagement bait means that rage-bait “might have a short self-life,” says Seemiller. The outrage these posts inspire will likely burn itself out, Cohen adds. “You can’t sustain the anger; it’s exhausting,” he says. “Eventually [everyone] is going to inoculate themselves against rage-bait, and then something else will take its place.”